Ch-ch-ch-changes

Two nights ago Bobby casually dropped an information packet on my bed in which I discovered we have to pick all his classes and electives for 7th grade RIGHT NOW. I freaked out slightly, but watched the infographic they had set up on the website and he and I went through the choices together. He had the option of picking honors or regular subjects - with the understanding that honors would require more work on his part. He chose honors math, and a college-prep STEM thing, but otherwise no other honors. I think that’s smart - I don’t want him to burn out right out of the gate. We have no idea what this new experience will be like; best to be conservative at the moment. I was such a language and writing kid, it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that these kids are brilliant at math and loathe pretty much everything else. 

For electives, naturally I would have loved for Bobby to get back into playing an instrument, but he wasn’t all that interested. He wanted the art and animation classes, with band a distant third. He may end up in it anyway. But I’m still traumatized from our violin experience, so I’m not about to push that on him unless he personally wants it. 

It’s wild to think these choices we made in April will be his life next year, and he won’t know until the first day of school what he got! I looked at the current bell schedule, and it’s going to be interesting - Theo will get out at 2:38 (unless he has a club) but Bobby doesn’t get out until 3:30. I’m not sure what to do with that difference. I think there’s going to be a lot of sitting around in cars the next two years. It’s not enough time to reasonably shuttle one kid home to go get the other; and with Theo out earlier, he’d have to be the one to walk over to Bobby’s school if I wanted to pick them up together, and I’m not crazy about the idea of 10-year-old Theo crossing busy streets and then hanging around a high school by himself waiting for his brother. Anyway. I’ll figure out a system, like I always do. Most likely, sit around in the car for 45 minutes waiting for Bobby. 

In other news, diet is slow and steady. As of Monday it’ll be two weeks, and I’m down three pounds. I wish it were more, considering how aggressive I’m being currently, but I know this is a healthy rate of weight loss and I should be happy about that. I don’t feel like I can really start celebrating until I hit the five pound mark. Then it actually means something. I could have lost three pounds by doing absolutely nothing. 

This week I worked on the expanded schedule for 2025. I’m having a lot of anxiety over the customers’ reaction to the news - I imagine it’ll be mostly positive, but what if it backfires, and people feel like it’s too much of a commitment and they want to just skip it entirely? I called the hotel to reduce the amount of guest rooms on opening night just in case. It’s hard trying a new thing. The last time I did this was moving to Labor Day, which was in 2013. So it’s been a long time since I’ve made any changes. I would hope that not raising the prices would help if anyone had objections, plus knowing there’s an added day a year in advance. It’s odd to think that this will be our lives from now on - heading to the hotel Wednesday night, getting kids to school and picking them up Thursday while we set up all day, four full days of classes and contests. It’s a lot, to say the least. And with shifting things off of the night dances and expanding some things, I’m not really adding anything new, per se, just spreading out existing things, which bugs me. It’ll be interesting to see how the vibe changes with more downtime during the day. My hope is it feels less frantic and people can relax and have more hang time. I’m glad I have one more event this year on our usual schedule while we adjust to Bobby’s new life. Both things changing in the same year might be a bit much. 

Rounding down the year

Announcements are coming in for 6th grade culmination stuff - graduate pictures, picnics and softball games and ceremonies. It’s a thing. And the only graduation B has had since preschool and probably the last one before high school (I don’t know if the jr/sr high he’s going to does anything for 8th graders - maybe?). Things are happening.

I’m also having one of those “maybe I need to rethink this” moments with regards to summer camp plans. I had every intention of signing the boys up for their cheap rec center camp as usual - they always open sometime in May for registration. On a whim last week I checked the website and discovered to my horror that randomly this year they opened on April 1st and the camp is full with long wait lists. So that camp is impossible, as are half the other rec center camps within a reasonable distance. Thankfully a couple - highland park, and the one they went to in I think 2018 - don’t open until April 22; highland park says you have to do it in person that morning, which I will try to do. However, it may not work out, and I need to accept that. This would have been our last year, anyway - Bobby ages out at 13 - and these camps are pretty low budget and poorly run. However, they are (relatively) cheap all day childcare when I need it the most. And they get to go on fun field trips and not be on screens all day. I have a lot of anxiety about trying to manage their time all summer - I have to work, it’s not entirely practical for me to be cooking and cleaning up three meals a day, arranging activities and policing their online time. I mean, if I must do these things, I must, but it fills me with dread. Summer is insanely stressful for me under any circumstances; adding in all day childcare for nine weeks and I’ll just about lose my mind.

It’s not like there aren’t other options, but they’re all twice as expensive. $400-$600 a week for each kid for a month is way above my pay grade. And, things are already full. So, I’m going to do my best and be super aggressive about getting the kids into the highland park camp, then maybe consider the one in San Fernando they went to years ago, then maybe if I have to, try the full time childcare thing. This may be my future, anyway - maybe just jump in now…?

Today marks the beginning of week 2 of my diet challenge. Three pounds down, with the understanding that most, if not all, of this weight is just water weight from my trip. But more important than numbers moving is the fact that I’ve found it pretty easy. I haven’t been driven mad by hunger, even on my two 800 calorie “fast” days. It feels sustainable, even if it doesn’t turn out to be. I’ve just got to keep this up for four months if I want to fit into my favorite clothes again. Continuing with my workouts, which is challenging with my very painful arthritic toe and stiff shoulders from frozen shoulder, but I’m doing it, and it does generally give me a good mental boost as well. I’m forming new habits - not snacking, drinking more water, taking the time to make salads, etc - and it gives me a lot of hope for the future. 

I signed contracts for 2026 & 2027 and today signed the addendum to add Thursday night to 2025. God I hope that works out. 

Twelve and spring break

Bobby turned twelve! We celebrated with the (now traditional) crappy Cookie Puss cake from California’s sole Carvel store. 

Immediately after, we packed up and left for our week in an RV exploring parts of the desert we haven’t been to before. 

We spent two nights in panamint valley to the west of Death Valley, at an impromptu “star camp”. It was just dry camping but with a) a nerdy guy with a telescope giving us a description of what we could see that night - he was a dead ringer for Bobby’s 6th grade teacher, b) a giant chess set (we must get one of these for the cabin), and c) a tent with a vintage video game console in it. It wasn’t much - especially with the stargazing limited because of the full moon, which explains why we were the only campers - but it was enough to keep us entertained for the two days we were there, along with a trip to nearby Ballarat ghost town. On the 4 hour drive to the area we hit some heavy winds which had me in absolute terror - nothing like driving past “campers not advised” signs when you have no choice but to keep going. Thankfully we did not topple over on the freeway nor get crushed by a toppling 18 wheeler. 

Our next stop was the Trona Pinnacles, our first attempt at boondocking, which was successful. We had a long hike among the pinnacles, which I loved, and if it hadn’t been extremely windy it probably would have been my favorite spot. 

Then we did a long drive down to the hot spring resort which, bizarrely, I thought we had stayed at before, but it turned out we hadn’t. It was our first time in days having full hookups for the RV, which meant no more panic over running out of water or having full waste tanks, and having full electricity. We soaked in the tubs surrounded by (probable) Trump supporters, listened to horrid country music blasted by our neighbors, and had a fun half day on a utv racing around the desert trails, which the H absolutely loved. It wasn’t as bumpy and unpleasant as I’d pictured. It’s not really my thing, but of course all three boys loved it. As if to offset all the testosterone flying around, my period started early. Hello.

After two nights we took another long drive - this time through a rain storm - up to the Mojave National Preserve (one of my favorite places) to boondock at the Kelso dunes. With the rain and cold, spending the day frolicking in the sand dunes was out, sadly, but it was a gorgeous spot, and we even saw a double rainbow once the rain stopped.

The next day we headed to the much anticipated tour of the Mitchell Caverns, which was closed for a long time even before the pandemic. It was a fun but bitter cold day (I really should have brought our winter coats).

Then, home, and the frantic packing up of everything it took to sustain us for a week as a family of four - half the kitchen, bedding and clothes and toiletries, several bags of food, electronics and cleaning supplies. Today I did three loads of laundry and grocery shopped and put things away the entire day. I’m exhausted. Kids return to school tomorrow. 

How was the trip? It was good! The downsides were: as usual, RV issues (gauges not working on the waste tanks so we had to guess when they were full), collapsing refrigerator shelves so every time we opened the fridge door there was a cascade of food, driver’s side mirror came loose so we had to finagle around to fix it, only two of three burners worked on the stove and were almost impossible to light. Also, the constant frustration of never being able to find anything - every time we drove we had to pack all the cabinets with towels and pillows otherwise the rattling was deafening; I felt like I could never find my glasses, water bottle, toiletries, clean socks, because things were always being shifted and moved around. But, that’s RV life for you. At least we had a relatively stink-free toilet, a hot shower, and a comfortable bed. The places we went were all amazing, and I even got my favorite hit of creosote smell after a rain, and enough quiet time to myself to feel like I actually went somewhere. We met our goal of not eating out except for one lunch in Ridgecrest, which saved some money, and it felt good to know we always had plenty of food on hand. 

Now I have to plan our summer New Mexico trip, which I’m woefully behind on. Normally I have these things set months in advance, but as of yet I’ve done zero actual booking, only come up with a vague plan of things to see. At the moment I don’t have the energy. Right now my biggest priority is getting my contracts signed with the hotel (I’ve been back and forth all day with minor details). Also, dieting again, starting today, with my friend Michael as an accountability buddy. Maybe having someone to check in with will keep me on track. We shall see! 

Kicking the can down the road

I got the hotel proposal, but only for 2026. It was, thank god, a good offer, with no ballroom rental fee and a guest room rate only $30 higher than our current rate (as opposed to $90 which was what I was expecting). So relief all around, there. However -

I emailed back to bring in the subject of adding a day and night on to my program, and she wanted to talk on the phone, so we just did. Adding the night is no issue for 2026, but may not be possible next year due to another group using the space. Kinda sucks but kind of ok, too - also, it may turn out we can use it. However, the one thing that happened that raised red flags for me was the fact that they only want to give me contracts for two years. In the past they’ve never done less than three - and my current set is five years. I asked why and she said “they’re just not contracting anyone beyond 2027.” She also said that she pleaded my case to “finance” and they all agreed I was the best fit for that weekend - which, I guess, is nice, but the fact that they had to have a meeting to consider if they even want me anymore was a bit concerning. So I feel a bit…I don’t know…strung along? Like, we’ll keep you until 2027 but after that you could be replaced. The most likely issue is they’re unwilling to get into long term commitments - which I get - and want to see if they can “do better” in three or four years’ time. I guess I should be grateful they’re giving me a good deal and my place is (or will be, unless something happens between now and signing) secure until 2028. But it’s also possible the reason they don’t want to commit is something like the hotel is set to be sold or demolished. I mean I guess I shouldn’t be worried about things I have no control over - most likely I will continue to have a good relationship with them for as long as the event lasts. But I also might be moving location or weekend by 2028 which is a bit scary. Oh well…I guess we just kicked that can down the road a few years, but it’s still going to have to be dealt with. Sigh.

In the meantime, Bobby turns twelve on Sunday, and the next two days are going to be all about packing and preparing for our RV trip to the Death Valley star camp (two nights), Trona pinnacles (one night), Glamis hot springs resort (two nights), boondocking by the Kelso dunes (one night), Mitchell caverns tour, and then home. Then the boys just have two months of school left, I’ve got to sort out what will probably be their last year at cheap rec center summer camp (Bobby ages out after this year), and then BAM my event is upon me. 

Spring has sprung around here and summer is constantly on my mind. I know I’ll regret it later, but boy I can’t wait for it to be hot and school to be over. I’m going to give the boys more free time this summer - I figure I’ll only have them in camp the month before school starts (assuming I even make it in - last year I barely did). Talk has begun for 6th grade culmination stuff - picnics, softball games, graduation itself, which hopefully my sister can come out for. It’ll be Bobby’s first *real* graduation, shifting from one school to another, since preschool. I don’t know if he’ll have another until actual high school graduation. Then our lives change forever when he starts at the junior high down the road and and he and Theo are separated again for two years. It’s hard to get a sense of what, if anything, he thinks about all this. Maybe these kids don’t overthink and catastrophize the way I did/do. At least he’ll be with friends. It was super cute, and heartwarming, to see him at his birthday party with all these kids he’s known since he was five. I never had that, but I’m so glad they do. 

Birthday gauntlet almost complete

This weekend was the much anticipated (read: feared) dual birthday party at the trampoline park. I got myself a bit worked up fearing the overstimulation and chaos I knew was coming. But in the end, it was actually pretty ok. We had about 17-18 kids total, way too much (terrible) pizza we later “donated” to the local homeless encampment, just enough cake, and mostly gift cards for presents, which alleviated my fears of the house filling up with plastic crap again. The check-in process was a bit crazy - some parents left their kids to figure out how to check in on their own, and of course there were always problems (unsigned waivers, couldn’t find waiver, etc etc) and kids were just wandering around aimlessly not knowing where to go or what to do. Luckily I knew these kids (they weren’t Theo’s new friends I don’t recognize) and so was able to grab them and fix whatever issue was happening at the desk. It was a real eye opener as to how helpless kids still are at this age. It’s easy to forget, sometimes. 

Enough parents stayed that I got to chat with, and I have to say it was nice reconnecting with these people after so long. Naturally most of the conversation was about junior high next year, and also how much everyone hates the new principal at our old school (lots of comments like “you got out just in time”). Most of the kids in Bobby’s class will also be going to the same Jr/sr high - I think for many of them it was kind of the only option, since they made the decision to keep their kids in elementary school for 6th grade, all the most sought after jr highs with gifted programs filled up for 6th and have no spots for 7th. I wonder how many people intentionally held out for our school like we did, and how many found out the hard way they should have moved their kid last year. 

Still, I’m glad Bobby will be going forward to a new school with so many friends. I never had this when I was his age, and I feel like it’ll make the transition so much easier. Also, selfishly, it’ll make me less anxious for him. His class toured the school last week and he seemed positive about it. I’m very much looking forward to whatever orientation they offer us as families before the school year starts - I have zero understanding of how the school works, or what we’ll be facing come August as far as drop offs/pick ups/homework, etc. I’m worried Bobby is not at all prepared for how hard it’s going to get. I do remember for myself how difficult it suddenly became in 7th grade - there was a lot more work, the material was much harder, and we were suddenly inflicted with mid term and final exams, which I loathed. Bobby is already forgetting homework and not doing well on these Latin root tests his class has been doing. It’s a delicate dance to know how much I should be breathing down his neck and how much I should be letting him figure it out. Unlike me at his age, though, he does not appear to be plagued by perfectionism, so I’m worried he doesn’t mind failing tests or not turning in work (things that would have horrified me at his age). Still, his teacher seems to think he’s doing just fine, so I don’t know how much I need to worry about all this. Well. I guess when he starts at the new school we’ll see how he does. 

Now all we have left is Bobby’s actual birthday on Sunday - I’m going to drive to Santa Monica to try to get him a cookie puss cake from California’s only Carvel store again; then we’re officially done with “birthday season”. As always, it was exhausting and expensive. But everyone had a good time and was celebrated, so I feel good about it.

Next up, one more week of school and exercise classes and then we’re in an RV for a week. We’re going to a Death Valley “star camp” for two nights (a camping set up in Panamint valley with telescopes, a giant glowing chess set, and a tent set up with video games for the kids so they aren’t too miserable), then to the Trona pinnacles which I’ve always wanted to check out, then two nights at a hot spring resort with an atv rental on one of the days, then back up to the Mohave national preserve where we’re finally doing a tour of the Mitchell caverns. I’m hoping we can swing by Bombay beach as well to see what new art installations they have going on. I recently became a patron. 

In the meantime, I’m tackling my existential dread head-on and am making strides towards securing new contracts with my hotel going forward. I finally got to chat with a friend of a friend who’s a higher up at another hotel chain, someone I kept missing over and over for weeks while I spun my wheels (she’s very busy), and the conversation was very helpful. She confirmed what I already knew - that because of new labor laws, it is impossible to get any kind of group room rate at hotels under $200/night these days, and that I should definitely be making decisions about adding food in to offset costs. She said I should ask the hotel for a proposal for the next few years, and I did. Once they put something together for me, she said she’d go over it. I’m very grateful to have someone helping with this process. But I’m also having realistic expectations as far as what they’re going to offer me. I think the future of this event is going to be much more expensive rooms with a much shorter window for booking - and I know I’m going to lose some people because of the rising costs, and I’m just going to have to live with that. When 2026 rolls around and our rates go up, I’m going to have to be transparent about why, and also give people a reasonable expectation as far as when rooms will sell out. Most people will get it. We all know everything has changed in the last few years, costs of everything have skyrocketed. At least I still have this year and next before the sticker shock moment. And hopefully I can add in that extra day and night next year to make people feel like they’re getting more event for the same price. Fingers crossed this all goes well. My entire future literally hinges on it. 

Here’s a picture of Bobby being awkward at his birthday party (he is for sure my kid).

No more single digits! Theo is ten

This big kid turned ten yesterday. We had a little family party with singing and a cake and a few presents - a Percy Jackson book set, a fancy head strap for his VR, a bubble gun and a solar robot kit. He seemed pleased. 

What is Theo like, at ten? He’s very different from his brother, which means he’s very different from me. He’s easy going, social, extroverted. He’s a morning person, doesn’t get emotional at movies, and has recently been disliking more and more foods which makes it challenging for me (all he’ll eat for breakfast these days is applesauce). He’s excelling in math and doing well in school. Unlike last year’s birthday party disaster, this year he’s got ten kids coming from his old school and new school. The kid can dance. I hope he pursues that in some way. At ten, he still enjoys a cuddle, which is delightful. He’ll watch my trashy reality dating shows with me. My relationship with him is very different from my relationship with Bobby, just because they’re so different and need/want different things from me. But I sincerely hope they both feel equally loved, because that is definitely true. 

He’s in!

First thing this morning I got the acceptance letter that Bobby made it into the gifted program at Eagle Rock jr/sr high. So, years of speculation are now settled - he’s in! Coincidentally, all of the 6th grade classes are touring the school tomorrow, so that will be his first window into the next six years of his life. It was unlikely that he wouldn’t make it, but there was always that chance. I’m glad that’s settled. I hope the parents get another tour, too. It’s been a couple of years so I don’t remember much about it, and I have no idea how the school runs as far as how the schedule works for 7th graders. I *think* class starts a half hour later than Theo’s school (in California, junior and senior high schools are mandated to start no earlier than 8:30) but I don’t know when the school day ends or how much those start/end times are influenced by extracurriculars. We’ll find out! 

Theo was wait listed for the gifted program for 5th grade, which was also no surprise. I imagine there’s a chance he’ll get in for 6th grade when a lot of kids leave for junior high - but even if he doesn’t make it next year, odds of him getting in to the gifted program at Bobby’s new school are pretty good, since he’ll have all the points I’ve gotten for him plus now “sibling points”. 

In the meantime, it’s Theo’s last day of being nine. It’s funny to think that ten years ago I was starting to have labor pains but wasn’t sure if it was the real deal or not. That was my life a decade ago. It feels like a million years have passed. 

This week I publish my final podcast episode. I have done twenty - two special “mental health” episodes to round out the season, two non-CS interviews, and sixteen ex-CS interviews. Personally, I could keep going - I’m going to take a short break, but only to see if I can get more subjects. The last thing I can try is to post in the main ex-CS FB group looking for people who want to tell their stories - I imagine I’ll get a handful. But if I don’t get any, or enough, I may just end the project. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I’ve created a resource that will live forever, which has helped people. It’s fucked me up a little bit, too, but it’s ok. Overall it’s been very cathartic.

I did my tour of the Hyatt yesterday and it was as expected - everything about the place was just too small for my event. I’m waiting on a bid from them so I know what the going offer is. But it occurred to me that other than renegotiating next year’s contract to include a Thursday night at my current hotel, there’s really no urgency to do anything else. Right now my public stance is going to be “sorry, room block is sold out” and that’s it. It sucks, and it will impact my sales, but the hotel won’t budge (because really, why should they?), and there’s no point in knocking myself out over it (there’s not much I can do, anyway). I’m waiting to see if they’ll add a few more rooms just to sell out existing nights for me, then I’ll wash my hands of it. 

I survived the weekend gig despite being in the presence of a few people who make me profoundly uncomfortable. I did my usual hide-in-the-corner thing, which is very effective. Next we all have to make a decision about how to handle this problematic guy, but that conversation is still muted from the weekend, so I’ll await instructions there. 

After a few days off I return to the gym today for yoga, followed by something called “yogalates” tomorrow, and a strength training class at my home gym on Friday. I’ve been exceptionally wiped out by the time change - I don’t remember being so adversely affected by it before; so far this week it feels like I’m being made to wake up in the middle of the night to get kids to school. Yesterday I just came home and let myself sleep. I felt guilty for sliding back into old habits, but I just couldn’t deal. My friend and I have decided to do a diet challenge for April. I’m skeptical I’ll be able to stick with it - I’ve failed utterly up until this point - but I’m hoping a little accountability will help. I’m going to do the 5:2 again as it’s the only thing that really worked for me. I just have to get back in the habit. I know from experience that the exercise, despite being good for my mental health, longevity, and strength, won’t do shit for weight loss unless I also cut calories. It would be great to lose some weight by summer, to fit into my clothes, etc etc. It’s all about forming new habits. I’ve been able to do it with exercise, so there’s no reason I can’t do it with the 5:2 again. Until April 1st I’m going to enjoy my birthday cake and camping food, however.